abstract: in this ~500 word introductory paper, i present a not fake theory of everything. i start by extending christopher alexander’s definition of life as a status and attribute. i then posit that life is the physical interface of consciousness, referencing giulio tononi’s informational theory of consciousness and modeling consciousness as a system that integrates information. i describe life as a function of ross ashby’s law of requisite variety and conclude by rigorizing god as the highest geometric point within a context window. in doing so, i provide scale-free symbol grounded definitions of consciousness, life and god that (a) require no scientific, philosophical or religious priors, (b) explain what’s working, not working and why across across systems of all organizational scales including activities of daily living and (c) does not ask the reader to make any fantastical or non observable conceptual leaps.